...What happened that morning...

The following is a real story. I am not going to give any information about specific times, or the location of the incident, as this is a sensitive issue. Also, I have chosen not to share any details with you, as I don't want to upset my readers.

What I experienced was indeed something I will never forget.

I woke up that morning thinking that 'it's one of these days that I shouldn't leave the house'. I had a bad feeling... something telling me that it would be a long, difficult day. I had a train to catch, a 2.5 hour routine trip.

I stepped on my train, turned on my laptop and did some work while wearing earplugs. After an hour's work, I was placing my laptop back to my backpack and suddenly I heard that noise - now remember that I was still wearing  earplugs - still, the noise was impossible to ignore.

I said loudly 'this doesn't sound good to me'.

Two minutes later, the train stopped, and a woman's voice  (the train driver)  announced - obviously upset - that we had a fatality. It was all coming together. The train had just hit someone!

I remember the look on the face of one of the ladies working on the train, while she was running down the corridor.  A few minutes later, another lady was trying to sell us drinks with the food trolley - in an attempt to maintain normality or even take our mind away. 

The man on the table opposite was still doing work on his computer, like nothing had happened. I heard the silent cry of one of the passengers.

I was frozen.

The young lady next to me had an apathetic face. She took her smartphone out and updated her facebook status! She was obviously talking about what had just happened (and then I realised how people become inhumane on social networks).

To cut a long story short, the incident involved the police, ambulance (I will never forget these faces), and 3 more apologetic announcements by the obviously distressed train driver.

A few train changes and a few hours later, after rearranging and (thankfully) just about making it to complete my meetings for the day, I could not function. I was just about standing on my feet. I could not concentrate. I was absent-minded, lost my scarf, I could not even remember my passwords to log onto my university account...

I was thinking

Why was I on that train?
Poor person
Poor driver!
Was it an accident? Or a suicide? And if it was a suicide, why, oh why did this person decide to end their life?

A few hours later, I googled the event looking for news. Details were not provided about the deceased. Not even their sex was mentioned.

I was a bit pleased that all this information was not published. I do not want to link this event with a particular person. I did google things in the following days, but then I decided that it was best to stop! I try to protect my feelings. This is my safety mechanism.
 
For several days I kept thinking about what had happened, and my ability to concentrate was zero. I assume that other passengers, even those pretending that nothing had happened - felt exactly the same. 

But life goes on.

I am glad that I lost my scarf that day. Somehow I feel that it was better this way.

I am a rational woman, and an atheist too. I don't pray. But this doesn't mean I don't care.

I felt that I should do something. 24 hours after the incident I started propagating some cuttings after trimming the rosebush in the garden. Whoever you are, I am growing a new rosebush for you, and another one for the driver, wishing that, no matter where you are right now, the beauty of these plants will calm your souls. 

NB: (10 APR. 2014) I now know your name. Take care wherever you are.