...Childfree women are invisible...

In a society where everything is child-focused (even in the West), becoming a mother is seen as the top achievement for a woman in her life.

Take a pregnancy announcement for example - or the birth of a baby. 
The (future) mother is congratulated - again and again and again. Congratulatory cards and presents are sent to her and the father.

Well, I thought that making one's genitalia procreate is as common as changing one's t-shirt. Procreating is a biological function. So, what's the point of congratulating someone when a baby is born? We are 7 billion people on this planet and we are struggling for natural resources - so why do we congratulate every human being adding into the problem via procreation? 

Some of you may say that giving congratulations when a baby is born is a social obligation. We are entitled to say 'congratulations' to expectant parents, otherwise we will be stigmatised as 'antisocial'. 

Well, I don't! I 'd rather be myself and be called antisocial than say something I don't mean. 

But let us now go back to the points raised on the first paragraph. 

Is having a baby the top achievement in a woman's life? 

In fact, the answer is yes. With so many women out there, many cannot boast for anything else than 'being a mum or a grandma'.

But how about the childfree? We certainly don't tick the boxes that would make us worthy in the eye of the 'normal' beholder - don't we? 

So, how about if a woman - a childfree woman - does really well in education or in her career? 

Take Jennifer Aniston for example. Remarkable and awarded actress. She is often labelled as selfish because she has had no children (here).

Second example: Gertrude B. Elion: Nobel Prize for Physiology/Medicine, 1988 US. She was never married and had no children.

There she is: in the picture. 

MY ROLE MODEL

So, is getting a Nobel Prize less important for a woman than having a baby? It is for the average Jo out there. 

You know what? Sometimes I think that poor Gertrude received very few congratulations cards after winning the Nobel Prize, compared to what she would have received if she announced she gave birth to a baby. 

...Social pressure to procreate...

In a society that revolves around family, childfree people receive immense pressure to procreate - otherwise they should apologise, find an excuse (=infertility) or get lost. 

The majority of people out there expect us to 'do the right thing' and procreate. 


We are seen as criminals, we are ostracised by our peers. Nobody wants to hang out with us because 'he/she is kinda funny, he/she doesn't like kids'. 

We are often called names, from selfish to perverts. 

At the supermarket, we buy family packs and have to get rid of so many leftovers. Supermarket magazines brainwash us about the perfect mother / father role. We cannot wipe our bum with 'Cushelle', because '8 out of 10 Tesco mums recommend it' (from the actual ad on tesco magazine: March 2014). And since we are not a mum (or a dad) we deserve no special toilet paper. We deserve nothing! No place in the market, no place in society.

We don't stand a chance in the media, apart from the few notable cases. If we achieve something, even if we have won a nobel price, the media will hardly mention our name if we have no children. Articles such as 'Linkcoln mom gives birth to twins after x miscarriages' or 'muther-of-two died in tragic accident' are more popular with the masses. 

At work, we have no right to leave the office half an hour earlier, but a colleague, who is a mother, can set off at noon, since 'she has to go to her child's school play'. 

Parenthood - and particularly motherhood - is seen as an achievement - often the achievement of a lifetime. (Ironically, even amoebas procreate...)

We work hard, we pay taxes. We pay loads of taxes for many mothers out there to live on child benefits and never work a single day in their entire life.

We go on holiday in 'traditional countries' and we struggle to find a childfree hotel.

Our mother, mother in law, aunty, etc. call us every now and then with the same silly question: 'When are you going to give me grandchildren / have children?' The 'childfree' term is not in their dictionary. 

We are labelled as immature, party animals, sluts, spinsters, soldiers of fortune, go-go-boys, 'gay', you call it...

And if we are still young, 'you'll change your mind'. What? No? Your husband will leave you and find someone else!

If we are married, 'What is wrong with you?'. 'Then why did you get married at the first place?'. 

'Your biological clock is ticking like mad! Are you deaf?' 

If you are older, 'I am sorry you 've never had children'. 

'You need to have a family, otherwise you are not a man / woman enough!' 

'Why are you giving me advice about my children? You know nothing about children!' (yet, many of your childrens' doctors and teachers are childfree - deal with it!)

'Of course you can afford this! You have no children so you know nothing about real expenses!' (childfree does not mean rich). 

'You complain you are tired? You don't know what tired is, unless you have children'. 

'What? 7 years married and no children?' 'Poor you... I am so sorry!' 

'You were a kid once you know...' 

'Who is going to have a kid first? You? Or your first cousin?' (procreation as a race and competition). 'Are you going to have a baby before the Cambridges' number 2?'

'Who's going to look after you when you are old'? 

'What do your parents say about your decision not to have children?'

'7 billion people on the planet is just bullshit. Go on and procreate! (Some other kid will die for your kid to take its place'). 

'If you cannot have them, adopt. Mind that adopting a child still means that ... the child is not yours'.

And if you are a parent (to-be) and ... 'You only have / want ONE child? You are selfish!'

You can add your story here...

Disclosure: I am not against parents. I know loads of parents who support the childfree and their life decisions, and I really appreciate their effort and understanding. Therefore, I am not targeting specific individuals in this post. Rather, I get to give you a taster of how the childfree are often seen by society.