Monday 5 May 2014

...Social pressure to procreate...

In a society that revolves around family, childfree people receive immense pressure to procreate - otherwise they should apologise, find an excuse (=infertility) or get lost. 

The majority of people out there expect us to 'do the right thing' and procreate. 


We are seen as criminals, we are ostracised by our peers. Nobody wants to hang out with us because 'he/she is kinda funny, he/she doesn't like kids'. 

We are often called names, from selfish to perverts. 

At the supermarket, we buy family packs and have to get rid of so many leftovers. Supermarket magazines brainwash us about the perfect mother / father role. We cannot wipe our bum with 'Cushelle', because '8 out of 10 Tesco mums recommend it' (from the actual ad on tesco magazine: March 2014). And since we are not a mum (or a dad) we deserve no special toilet paper. We deserve nothing! No place in the market, no place in society.

We don't stand a chance in the media, apart from the few notable cases. If we achieve something, even if we have won a nobel price, the media will hardly mention our name if we have no children. Articles such as 'Linkcoln mom gives birth to twins after x miscarriages' or 'muther-of-two died in tragic accident' are more popular with the masses. 

At work, we have no right to leave the office half an hour earlier, but a colleague, who is a mother, can set off at noon, since 'she has to go to her child's school play'. 

Parenthood - and particularly motherhood - is seen as an achievement - often the achievement of a lifetime. (Ironically, even amoebas procreate...)


We work hard, we pay taxes. We pay loads of taxes for many mothers out there to live on child benefits and never work a single day in their entire life.

We go on holiday in 'traditional countries' and we struggle to find a childfree hotel.

Our mother, mother in law, aunty, etc. call us every now and then with the same silly question: 'When are you going to give me grandchildren / have children?' The 'childfree' term is not in their dictionary. 

We are labelled as immature, party animals, sluts, spinsters, soldiers of fortune, go-go-boys, 'gay', you call it...

And if we are still young, 'you'll change your mind'. What? No? Your husband will leave you and find someone else!

If we are married, 'What is wrong with you?'. 'Then why did you get married at the first place?'. 

'Your biological clock is ticking like mad! Are you deaf?' 

If you are older, 'I am sorry you 've never had children'. 

'You need to have a family, otherwise you are not a man / woman enough!' 

'Why are you giving me advice about my children? You know nothing about children!' (yet, many of your childrens' doctors and teachers are childfree - deal with it!)

'Of course you can afford this! You have no children so you know nothing about real expenses!' (childfree does not mean rich). 

'You complain you are tired? You don't know what tired is, unless you have children'. 

'What? 7 years married and no children?' 'Poor you... I am so sorry!' 

'You were a kid once you know...' 

'Who is going to have a kid first? You? Or your first cousin?' (procreation as a race and competition). 'Are you going to have a baby before the Cambridges' number 2?'

'Who's going to look after you when you are old'? 

'What do your parents say about your decision not to have children?'

'7 billion people on the planet is just bullshit. Go on and procreate! (Some other kid will die for your kid to take its place'). 



'If you cannot have them, adopt. Mind that adopting a child still means that ... the child is not yours'.

And if you are a parent (to-be) and ... 'You only have / want ONE child? You are selfish!'

You can add your story here...

Disclosure: I am not against parents. I know loads of parents who support the childfree and their life decisions, and I really appreciate their effort and understanding. Therefore, I am not targeting specific individuals in this post. Rather, I get to give you a taster of how the childfree are often seen by society.








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