...Foodie penpal June reveal...

This month I sent a parcel to Turkey to a lovely young lady who lives in Turkey (hello there, Cemre!). The parcel included some sweet goodies and something I had knitted for her... she can use it to secure pasta packs with it, or, as a headband. 

I received a parcel from Milou (from Holland). The parcel included some amazing goodies: fruit bars, soup, a sauce mix for a Duch curry (I am looking forward to tasting this sauce), some Dutch tea,  other tea (liquorice, fruit, soup mix and some amazing liquorice-mint candies. You have guested it right, Milou! I love liquorice!

Earth Song - Frank Ticheli

Vesuvius by Frank Ticheli

...Grandbaby rabies...

If you are not aware of the term, according to this website the definition of grandbaby rabies is the following:

grandbaby rabies (what happens when older couples are so desperate to have grandchildren that they browbeat their child and in-law with the subject every possible chance — known to employ underhanded tactics such as guilt, emotional blackmail, bribery, and personal insult in order to get their way — can become entirely unreasonable and intolerable when their own offspring have chosen a child-free lifestyle)

NB:

I have highlighted the crucial points for you. 

If you are one of these older people (a mother / mother in law or father / father in law) please don't do it! Do not interfere in your son / daughter's (-in-law) life and constantly ask for grandchildren, and do not use any of the aforementioned methods to do so.

You are not ENTITLED to have grandchildren. What makes YOU think that you are such a special snowflake to deserve grandchildren? 

And why do you do it in the first place?  Why are you desperate for grandchildren? 

Here are some of your reasons:

• I simply have to have them. Everybody has them. All my friends, the milkman, the greengrocer, aunty Betsy, everyone around me have grandchildren. 

So? Is there any written rule or law in society that says that everyone has to have grandchildren?

• The family name should be kept alive. 

Don't you think you are selfish? Do not try to impose your massive ego on your own children and (desired) grandchildren. 

• My DNA should be kept alive. 

Don't you think you are selfish? There are 7 billion people on this planet. What do you think makes your own DNA better than others' DNA? 

 

• I deserve them. 

No. You don't. You are not special and you deserve nothing. You have to fight for things you deserve, with your own means; nothing comes for free in this life. Don't expect others to make YOUR dreams come true, while they ruin THEIR dreams, ambitions, career and life. If you have not materialised your personal dreams and ambitions (because you are useless or because you did not try hard enough), then do not expect your son / daughter or grandchildren to materialise YOUR dreams for you. If you are not successful, do not think that 'ok, my children / grandchildren will be successful one day'. Your daughter may give birth to the person who will cure cancer, the person who will be a mass murderer, or the average Jo (the latter is the more likely).

• What would people say if I don't have them? 

Does it matter? You simply have zero confidence and you depend on what other people say about you, right?

• It's against religion for my son / daughter (etc.) not to procreate. 

That is what YOU think. Not everybody else agrees with you. Your children disagree with you. Stop make religion an excuse for everything. Religion is a respectful compromise, but it is personally interpreted and received.

•  Where will my inheritance go if not to my grandchildren?

Spend it! Have a fantastic third age! Or give it to your children! Money is money. It comes and goes. 

• I need some excitement in my life. 

So, you expect others to offer it to you? Why don't YOU do something about it? In the end of the day, if you are desperate, get a dog or book a cruise. 

• It's only right for them to have grandchildren. 

Said who? What is right for you, is not right for everyone. 

Get over it! You cannot interfere in your children's life for ever. You cannot control their lives and their bodies, and what your son / daughter (-in-law) does with their life and body is none of your business! 

Also, if you constantly nag your children and their partners asking for grandchildren, you should resit your good manners exam. Talking about other people's penisses and vaginas is none of your business, it is rude, and certainly a very private matter that you do not respect.
  

 

...Knitting a pet blanket...

I have recently started knitting. I can knit the basics (garter stitch, pearl stitch, yarn over, 2tog, like lace). 

I made a garter stitch blanket for my cat (picture). It's a simple garter stitch, easy to make. You may ask 'why do you knit if you have a manly attitude?'. If yes, watch this video on youtube. 

...A special day...

...A transgender 6 year old child...

This is the story of Ryland, a transgender 6 year old child who was born with a female body and a 'male' mind. His parents, luckily, realised that something was wrong and took action before it was too late.

Excluding the mention of god (which I find simply irrelevant), this is a lovely video, and even my childfree, dislike-all-things-kids persona would happily watch it for a second time (but not for a third time).

Watch the video...

Charlie Chaplin - Let Us All Unite! (Melodysheep) + Download

Symphony of Science - the Quantum World!

...Make dreams come true (part 1: objectives)...

MDCT = Make Dreams Come True. 
Life is a philosophy and if you repeat this phrase several times a week, it is more likely to stick to your objectives. 

But before you do this, you need to set your goals. How do you plan to proceed without a list of ambitions? 

Take an hour or so and think. Think hard! How would you like to see yourself in 1 year from now?

Write down some bullet points that answer this question. 

Now ask the same question but change it to ...2 years from now. And then to 5 years from now.

For example:

In the following year, I would like to:

• pass my college exams
• find a job in the food industry
• travel to India 

...

In 2 years from now, I want to:

• publish my poetry in a book
• graduate from law school
• be fitter

...

In 5 years from now I want to:

• work as a barrister
• have a family
• buy a new car

 ...

(continues in post 2)

...Volunteering: no, I am not rich and my free time is not unlimited...

After two posts (1,2) on volunteering, a third post covers two specific misconceptions: money and free time. 

Do I look like her?

The first misconception is that people who volunteer / are willing to volunteer are wealthy - or at least they have enough money to support themselves without working. 

Let me put this straight for you. 

No. That is not the case.

I have met several volunteers out there who can hardly support themselves - but they volunteer. 

I have me the odd old lady you is a low pensioner - she volunteers for her local religious centre. 

I have met the lad who has just graduated from university - and he volunteers in the hope that he can get the experience and skills to find a paid job. He's going to be paying his student loan in the next 30 years of his life, and he is living on tesco value noodles.

I have met that lady who feeds the poor, and she is poor herself. 

I have met a disabled man who has been volunteering with other disabled individuals and his disability allowance can hardly support him. 

I have met low-paid, redundant people, and pensioners, who volunteer in politics, as they cannot stand such an expensive life.

I have met 'myself', who has been volunteering for years - even when I was unemployed. And yes, I ended up working as a freelancer because all my volunteering (15 years of it) did not help me land a single paid job!

Of course, there are plenty of volunteers out there who happen to do both: work, and volunteer. 

Moral of the story: volunteering is not (only) for financially independent people. 

Free time? You must be joking, right?

The second misconception is time.

Free time does not equal unlimited volunteering and as I have mentioned before (post 2) volunteering can become an abuse if your boss asks you to volunteer for more time than you can afford. 

This post started with a specific thought in mind, which I am going to share with you as an example. In is related to childfree living.

I recently had a chat with one of the other volunteers, who happens to be a pensioner, and volunteers her time for the local community, doing various things. 

While we were at work, she asked me if I had any children, and when I told her I am childfree, she said:

'No kids? Then you must have plenty of free time. Why don't you also come and volunteer with us at the 'name of organisation here'? You know, we are desperate for volunteers on Mondays'. 

I was left with my mouth wide open: 

a) because the lady assumed that just because I have no kids I have way too much time in my hands
and b) just because I volunteer with one organisation, it doesn't mean that I should volunteer with every cause out there. 

Then, I realised that the problem here is labelling:

Labelling the childfree as = too much free time
Labelling the volunteer as = he / she volunteers for life / is a professional volunteer

Very wrong indeed. Volunteers are not life-committed volunteers. They need to work and get paid too - and certainly they want to use their free time THE WAY THE WANT TO. They have a life outside of volunteering.

Childfree individuals have no unlimited free time. The do have some free time, maybe more time than a parent has (it always depends on who you are), but trust me, we are very busy indeed. Many of us work full-time, and the limited free time we have, we want to devote it to ourselves, our partners, our dream-chasing activities. Therefore, don't ask the childfree to volunteer if they don't want to. 

No matter who you are, your free time is no exploitation material.

There you go. 
I. said. it.

...Volunteering... and abuse of volunteers...

I struggled to find a better word that 'abuse' to use on the title of this post. Frankly because this is exactly what I am going to talk about today. Abuse of volunteers.

I already mentioned possibly exploitation of volunteers on a previous post. I remind you that volunteering does not equal exploitation. The two are miles away when volunteers offer their services in return for something: training, professional references, networking, as a personal rewarding experience, in the hope that one can land a job...you call it. 

So, when is volunteering an abuse? 

I answer this question based on personal experience (I have been volunteering in various settings in the last 16 years). 

Are you shouting at me? No thanks!

Volunteering is abuse when:

• your boss keeps asking you to do more hours than you can give to the project / cause
• your boss makes you do the work that should be done by paid staff
• you have to pay your weight in gold in order to volunteer (a.k.a. 'milking the cow' volunteering')
• your personal information is not personal any more.
• you were supposed to be CRB checked in order to volunteer, but nobody has bothered to CRB check you. If your boss CRB checks you, you can put it on your CV. Although your new boss may CRB check you anyway.
• you do all the hard work while others (staff and volunteers) are watching - and they do not offer a helping hand.
• you are unsupervised
• nobody provides you any training / new skills
• your boss makes you do thinks without considering your health and safety
• your travel expenses are not (partly) covered - unless this is not an issue for you.
• your boss abuses your networking connections
• your boss abuses your 'repairing the laptop' skills
• they call YOU first every time they need someone to volunteer - and this happens ALL the time (or very often). You are not there to cover (all) emergences remember. 
• You are bullied by the staff / other volunteers (because bullying among volunteers does exist).
• your boss makes you do things that you don't enjoy, whether you like it or not. 
• you are seen in an inhumane manner (as a slave; use your imagination here). 
• you are brainwashed for things and you are emotionally abused (e.g. this frequently happens in religious and political settings of volunteering). 
• you are not allowed to offer your opinion / view
• the staff does not treat you as 'one of us' and as 'equal'. 
• your confidence is going down instead of going up while you volunteer
• you are not allowed breaks / time for yourself (e.g. time to pray if you are a Muslim). 
• you have to pretend you like doing something when you don't (don't pretend you can work with children if you don't like being around them).
• you are told to take illegal action whether you believe in a cause or not (use your imagination here). Unless of course you WANT to take illegal action (see 'activism' - nothing wrong with this). Then, YOU face the circumstances like an adult.
• people don't treat you with respect
• you don't enjoy it. 

I hope I have not left any major issues out but I am sure that you get the point. Be careful when you volunteer and make sure you know how to set your limits and how to withdraw from the post, if for any reason, you don't want to do it any more.